For you My Girl

Aku ingin menyampaikan sesuatu yang selama ini telah membantuku merasa sangat bahagia satu tahun ini. Satu tahun yang kupikir sebelumnya akan sangat berat untuk dilewati. Satu tahun yang membayangkan saja aku ngeri. Satu tahun setelah kita kehilangan orang yang pernah berada di separuh hatimu. Aku tidak bermaksud mengenang masa lalu dan mengabaikan bagaimana perasaan pasanganku sekarang jika membaca ini.
Aku malah ingin berterimakasih pada dia yang sekarang telah membantuku melewati semua ini.

Aku ingin menulis untuk salah satu sahabat terbaikku yang mungkin sedang mengalami saat terberat yang pernah kualami. Ini bukan tulisan melankolik seperti yang kamu harapkan, tapi akan terlihat cengeng sekaligus arogan di beberapa tempat.

.................

Dear you my girl, i don't know how should i start to tell you about this. I mean if i said that i lost my half heart one year ago, maybe you'll say that you lost your full heart some months ago. Love is all about giving all the best for someone you think really special at the time that we hope to be eternal flame. The best is the best for us who has been giving so much effort to make it work. But whe should realize at the very end, the ammount for the best sometimes pretty blur at all. We said it's all my best, but for him that's nothing, not enough and there are so much better than we gave. He could gave us much more better effort and sure he ask the worth pay with his own standard.

Actually that's not a big problem if the communication works well. But sometimes how much you say that you love him, there still a big wall stand up beyond you and him. There are so much points that you force to fit on him. Then you're getting too bussy ignoring and merging your differences because both of you had already said that you accept and love him just the way he is. But how long it would last for "just the way you are?" One year, two years, three years, four years? Waiting the time bomb to explode. And you forgot to enjoy the togetherness itself, with all kind the differences still exist. That's love who let both of you live with your own characters, no need too much change to love each other.

You have so much pain, so has your boyfriend. When you feel so tired you have to recognize that the love is disappear right now. There should be no tired in loving! And both of you pushing it so hard to add just one more time, one more year, one more chance to find that miracle. You said it miracle, because now you understand how hard it is to reunite the broken glass. What are you looking for right now? The existence of relationship?

Let it go.. I know you've been trying so hard, giving all the best, so has him.

It's the time when you have to find the answer by yourself. Could you let someone you love go when he said you hurt him? When he ask you just go away and leave him alone? When he tell you there's someone better than you right now? When he tell you that you make him feel so tired? When he give up on everything that you've been pushing together?

Girl, hold up your head high. We're too young for being too sad and feel sorry too deep on this life. And we never really know what is love so clear. But when you're trying to understand your own heart, it's you who could free all his pain.

There are so much ways to make yourself stronger right now, after a half your heart went away. I think every girl knows well how to wipe the grey away. Let yourself get the joy and the optimism, see even your fingers are beautiful. Do your hobbies with your beautiful fingers, now it's completely yours. Those fingers that you used to get the scar tissues before. Well, there are will be some stage of sadness who come and go anytime they want. They'll ruin your mood easily, bring you back to some sweet memories that hurt your heart. And you cry again and again, make you swear this is the last cry, but it won't.

Then you keep wondering how could someone go to another heart easily. You curse at them, say that they are ignorant and heartless people. Hey honey, i'm one of them. I let someone come in to my heart again too fast, too early, that's what i thought before. Maybe God love me as well, or maybe He tests my patience in waiting The Mr. Right. But, when you're in my position you'll understand this is your affirmation of your own said a long long time ago. "Maybe we have to meet the wrong person before we meet the right person".

I'm just so happy right now that i could let everything flow with my Trust in God. I'm not find the better person, but i've just found someone who fit me more. We have so much differences in taste and thought, but we hate the same things. We are not good people at all, do so much stupid things but we try find the way to get better, together. Not trying to change each other to be what we want, but listen more, learn  more, don't agree more, understand more.

You, just don't get too sad, let yourself happy. Let someone out there find your bright shines, let him find your unique character, you specific personality and try to do the same things on him.

Then the last thing, Why in hurry? we're just too young..



#Soundtrack: Bruno Mars - When i was your man, Hoobastank - The Reason, Billy Joel - Just The Way You Are

Barang Hilang

Hari ini ku kehilangan dompet jajan yang berisi kartu atm dan uang sekitar 30ribuan.

Pacarku mengomel sepanjang jalan

Aku masih tidak paham mengapa dia terus mengataiku

Kenapa dia terus berusaha membuatku tidak ikhlas dalam keikhlasanku

Padahal sering dia bilang, daripada mengomeliku beri saja aku uang

Aku tidak minta uang, aku minta diantar pulang

Dia terus menyuruhku mengingat-ingat

Kami pun lalu menyusuri tempat kami sesorean tadi satu-satu

Kalaupun ketinggalan pasti sudah diambil orang katanya

Aku heran saja, sudah tau begitu kenapa mengajak mencari?

Sepertinya dia hanya bingung dengan kekesalannya sendiri

Kekesalan atas kenyataan bahwa aku tidak kesal

Kekesalan bahwa aku mudah saja membiarkan "yang berharga" hilang begitu saja

Jangan lagi bilang, "kalau dengan barangmu saja kau seenaknya, bagaimana dengan cintamu?"

Aku sudah pernah dengar sayang, ketika sepedaku hilang

Ketakutan seseorang yang menyamakan dirinya sendiri dengan barang

...yang memang layak hilang

Kamu jangan takut :)

Ingatkah ketika kau kutraktir makan ketika sepatu reebokmu hilang?

Kreatiflah dalam mencinta, it's all about timing!

Centre of Your Being!

"It would be great to have Valentino in F1, but he wouldn't have even a minimal chance of winning." — Valentino Rossi 

Pernakah kamu menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam untuk mengecek akun jejaring sosial seorang teman? Dan lalu berpikir betapa hebatnya dia, mulai membanding-bandingkan dengan dirimu? Mungkin diakui atau tidak itulah sebuah krisis remaja urban. Namun tidak jarang kita yang sudah memutuskan memilih beberapa hal dalam hidup kita masih melakukannya.

Sawang sinawang kalau kata orang jawa. Banyak sekali sebenarnya ungkapan atau quotes hebat yang sering dengan fasih kita ucapkan. Rumput tetangga selalu lebih hijau dan lain sebagainya. Kita tidak benar-benar menikmatinya, kita hanya menghibur diri. Saya pun mengalami hal serupa. Saya sedang selalu mendadak mengalami krisis ketika membandingkan diri saya dengan orang lain. Menyedihkan bukan? Kita tahu betul masalahnya, tetapi kita terus-terusan menyuapi diri kita dengan hal-hal negatif seperti itu. Saya pun paham betul kemampuan saya, potensi saya bahkan passion saya jauh berbeda dengan orang-orang teresebut. Lalu apa yang sebenernya coba saya cari ketika membandingkan-bandingkan diri saya dengan orang tersebut?

Sesungguhnya penyakit itu ada di sini, di hati, dan kita lah penyebabnya.

Quotes di awal tulisan ini adalah milik legenda Moto GP idola saya, Valentino Rossi yang selalu menginspirasi. Saya tidak terlalu suka membaca buku motivasi. Saya lebih memilih membaca Al-Quran, Buku Autobiografi Valentino Rossi, dan meonton film. Lagi dan lagi itu selalu mampu membuka jalan untuk angin segar di kepala saya yang sedang terasa berat.

Valenttino Rossi pun dengan segala kemampuan dan keberuntungan yang dia milki, mampu mengakui kelemahannya. Mengenali Potensi diri dan tidak memaksakan diri melakukan hal yang tidak dia sukai.

Mungkin berbagai tanggapan muncul dengan pernyataan Vale satu ini. Seluruh mata dunia mengidam-idamkan kombinasi yang sempurna antara seorang legenda balap dan legenda pabrikan Formula 1, yaitu Ferrari. Tapi dia mengakui bahwa itu tidak akan berjalan baik, memang terlihat hebat, tapi untuk apa? Tidak ada kesempatan untuk menang dan mungkin tidak memberi nilai tambah sama sekali.

Berhentilah menjadi yang orang lain inginkan. Jangan terus-terus membandingkan dirimu dengan orang lain. Menyadari potensi dan kelemahan diri sendiri akan membuat setiap langkah yang kita tempuh menjadi menyenangkan. Bukan bekerja keras tanpa menikmatinya, dan bahkan tau kita tidak akan mencapai hasil optimal. 

Let's be person, not an icon. Mungkin jalanmu tidak akan sepopuler orang lain, tapi ketika kamu menjadi begitu dalam di sana, let's see how the world come over you.

Stay deep at the centre of your being..

10 Things I Hate about You

I wrote this poem in 13 of july last year, for an eccentrict friend who called himself with a weird name. I wrote this poem when i couldn't any longer deny that he attracted me too much. I guessed it would be just another silly crush that will washed away in times. But like a junior high school girl, the more i hate him, the more i fall for him, deep and deeper.
This is 10 things i hate about you :)

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you mess your hair.
I hate the way you ride your bike, and your obsession about old car.
I hate it when you stare, and suddenly laugh like crazy.
I hate your skinny dumb (you said) rock clothing, and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you countdown me to smile,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
I hate the way i don't hate you.
Not even close..
Not even a little bit..
Not even at all.

*)note: yes, like you all knew, i adapted this poem from a romantic movie stared by Health Ledger, 10 Things I Hate about You.